2007-06-21 - 3:44 a.m.

I can't breathe, I can't think, no one reads this, not him at least, so I can vent, I can let it all out, I can feel like someone is listening, helping.

I have a wonderful boyfriend, one that many many women would die to have. He's sweet, loving, caring, and might I mention he's very very good in bed. But over that he is perfect boyfriend material, even husband material. Except for one flaw, he has a knack to cheat.

I'm not sure if there is a relationship that he hasn't cheated on, it's apart of how his relationships go I guess.

But as his new gf I would like to think that we could get over this and he could just settle in and be happy.

But I think I asked for too much.

He got a new job at a factory, not the greatest place to work, but of course not the worse. One his first day he meets a strange and I must add mysterious girl, who just happens to be the same age as me, and taken as well.

Just to mention as woman being taken doesn't mean that he won't pursue her, his last 'girlfriend' was a married woman.

At first he barely mentioned her, just as a side note to what he was doing. Then one day she mentions to him that she's a porn star and all of a sudden his interest in her picked up. I ask him how his day was and all I hear about is "this girl, this girl, this girl".

Today was the first day that I know he will cheat on me. He probably hasn't yet but I feel it coming.

All they talk about at work is sex, it's pretty much everything they talk about. He comes home and talks about her, and doesn't stop. We go to the 24 hr Perkins in town, and normally he wouldn't want to go but tonight he really did. He mentioned on the way the this girl usually goes here after work to hang with her bf. And then he mentions how dissapointed he was when she wasn't there after all.

We sat and ate our food, mouths shut, me talking about stupid things, him talking about her. I mention having sex when we return home.....he really doesn't want to. Then 30 minutes later he says thats all he's been thinking about, thats all he wants to do.

We come home, I pretend to come, in my head all I see is him and her. I don't know what she looks like, I don't want to. Because I already know that she's prettier, thinner, more educated, etc...

We shut off the lights to sleep, tears running down my face. I hope he didn't notice....I don't want him to.

I'll just have to wait. Wait till he stops talking about her, and then I can hear the lies. The lies of why he's home late, the lies of where he's going, the lies of why things smell and look the way they do. I can already hear it. I can already feel my heart breaking.

Oh how painful love can be. But then again I could just be neurotic, just a crazy bitch who doesn't give her man enough room to make friends.

So I'll just tell myself I'm crazy in hopes that the tears stop, just for now, just so he doesn't see them, just so he doesn't run away any faster then he already is.

L-Kiws

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