2006-04-27 - 4:09 p.m.

So this weekend I figured out I have a drug problem... pretty much the lowest point of my life. I went to a counselor on Monday and I have to stop drinking for 30 days... if I can't make that then I probably have to go to some kind of treatment. :(
I just got off the phone with my dad, telling him about it. It was fucking tough. He said that he was proud of me and that he loves me. "I don't think it's possible for a parent to love a child more than I love you." I was crying. He said that I hid it very well, and that he had no idea that I had a problem. I also told him that I smoked weed, after he admitted to me that he had a problem with drinking and smoking pot a lot in college.
I'm glad that now my entire family knows... it's like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I don't want to fucking turn out like my grandma or my uncles. They are all fuck-ups, and I guess their one good legacy they left is an example of what the bottom is like.
I can't tell you how badly I just want to drink or smoke right now... but I can get through this. 30 days, right through finals week too... I think I will be working out a little bit more the next few weeks, to get rid of stress in a healthier way... I'm so glad my dad can relate to what I'm going through. He said I might lose some friends over this, and it will get lonely, but I can do it. So here's to me, fighting whatever it is I'm fighting...
With all the love of an epiphany,
Mango

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