2006-02-20 - 6:04 p.m.

Fucking right man. We had a good weekend. It was the best since the summer, I swear. I talked to Matt, Shane, and Josh... in ONE DAY. That is ballsy. I fucking love all of those men... Shane, we all want your babies.
I figured out why Matt and I don't work... WHY did it take me so long? I guess that's part of the maturing process, realizing shit. Anyways, he's too old for me. He wants more than I can give. Well, not that I couldn't ever give it, but just not now. He wants to get married and start a family, that's all. I want someone to love and be with, and then MAYBE later get married to. I guess I was all uptight about the age thing and kept telling myself that age doesn't matter... when it doesn't. But, experience does. He is way more experienced in love and relationships, and I can't exactly provide for him what he needs. And you know what? I'm ok with that.
He asked me if I have a crush yet, and I do. And he does too. And fuck it feels good that both of us are moving on, finally. He loves me, and will always, and I will always love him too. We will be friends, hopefully just like we are now, but if we grow apart, there will always be that love.
Last night we kissed. We kissed for 5 hours. It was incredible. I will miss that, how we kissed. We were both in amazement of how good it was when we kissed. We teased each other that we should never have broken up, if we kiss this good together. But it's not going to happen. I finally got that this weekend. It was a beautiful weekend.
Damn... the weather is exactly my mood. I am looking out my window and seeing the pale oranges and blues from the sunset, and half the sky is covered in clouds, the other half in the beautiful sunset. The clouds, they look like a huge front moving on... Like my mind has been cleared finally. Now I can enjoy the beauty of life again. I love life right now. I love Val. I love what we do together, what I feel when I'm with her. She makes me complete.
I'm going back to Winona this weekend... for Maggie's birthday. It should be a good time. Probably not nearly as good as this weekend... but that's ok! I will get to see Mike and Sam. I love Mike so much. We need to get married or something, cause we get along that well. :)
Well, I'm going to leave you with some words of wisdom from Dave Matthews: "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we'll die."
With all the love of magical brownies,
Mango

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