2006-01-20 - 11:37 p.m.

Ok so I haven't written in here in along time and I apologize. Not sure that I will change that, but I am writing today so be happy.
I have no idea why, but I have been crying a lot tonight. I feel like a disappointment to everyone. I feel like I've let myself, my parents, my friends, everyone down. I had such a bright future but look at me now. I'm an alcoholic and a pothead. My first semester was not stellar, I let my parents down academically. Of course you can say that it was first semester, new experience, it's always the hardest one... but I know that I could've done better.
I did make a ton of new, awesome friends. My roommate and I are close, and we've had some really good times. The whole Matt situation got messed up and obviously we're not going to end up together, but it just hurts falling out of love with someone. He and I are really really close still, but it's just another messy, complicated situation. Fucking a.
I have to re-read that damn black and white entry over and over to remind myself that it's not as bad as it seems. God dammit, Julie, it's not all that bad.
Another thing that is hard about tonight is the packing up and leaving Winona again. I have been here for over a month, and gotten into my routine again. It fucking sucks. I don't wanna face the prospect of not seeing Mike again for a long time. I need him to be sane. I know we'll talk on the internet, but it's nothing like hanging out in his basement and playing video games and laughing and god dammit I love him. Everything is so simple with him. Not complicated. And I can't do anything about it... he has to first.
And that's all I have for now... I have to go continue packing... Hasta la vista!
With all the love of black liquorice,
Mango

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